Whaleshark

A happy fourth of July and independence day to all of you readers out there! Today is a good day for everyone to celebrate how good America is, and how it is the best country in the land in a way, because today celebrates the day that we stopped being under the command of the british people, King George. Don't take it badly, though, because I'm not going to leave my apartment today because of a fear that I have: a firework going off in my remaining good eyeball. I only have one good eyeball because of something that happened earlier this year, and so if a bottle rocket or sparkler or flower went off in my remaining good eyeball I would be blind. And read up on it: that happens all the time. Although I have to admit honestly that I don't know exactly where I would go if I was going to leave the house. But to celebrate I'm going to have a personal feel-better party, which is fun and which I made up myself. You should try it. Every time you get a jiggy piece you have a drink from your bottle of vodka, and then everytime Kazooie reminds you of a pet you had once you take a drink from a beer, and if you play all night because you can't sleep even though you're so drunk when you beat Gruntilda the Witch then you drink everything that you have left. Note: this game also requires a bucket.